A Look at Layla Foster's Crazy Life
by Assassin's Argentine Tango
Summary: Just a story involving Layla, her uncle Wallace, Gromit, and their friends. Major Events: Melissa Rivers' car breaks down in front of Wallace's house, Gromit tackles the vicar, Layla and Harriet Mulch anger a suicidal Frederick, and Hayden gets BUSTED! :O
1. It started out as a rainy day

It's a damp morning on 62 West Wallaby Steet, the rain has been pounding the windows forever it seemed. The daisies and roses along the walkway are delacately unfolding. Tenderly recieving the fresh water the garden welcomed the long expected rainfall.

Layla was coming down the stairs in her blue tank top and sherberty orange lounger pants. She entered the kitchen and stifled a periodocally long yawn, "Rain, rain go away come again another day."

About a half an hour later she was sitting at the table with coffee, flapjacks, and the morning paper. While reading the paper she noticed an article about Feathers McGraw escaping from the zoo, she ramdomly spit her coffee and coughed a little, "Well Uncle Walace wont be able to read this hang on a tick," she realized that it was nine-o'-clock with her uncle not having come down for breakfast. Not even her cousin Gromit came down, and today was an important day for them. Wallace had won a contest to go to the new theme park in Glasgow, Scottland; _'Cheeseland'_.

"Uncle Wallace? Cousin Gromit?" no answer. She went upstairs. She tried Gromit's room first; unoccupied. She tried Wallace's room; unoccupied as well. before she exited something caught her eye, "A note?"

_Dear Layla,_

_Gromit and I had to leave early because of the rain. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but I only recieved two tickets. Imagine that. I thought since you said you had plans this weekend ment you didn't want to go. However I say on you calender your plans were... canceled. I knew you'd be mad so I came up with an alternative. At 9:45 Celeste, Alice, and Caden will be over to take you to that carnival over at Tottington Hall. When it's over at 3:00 Mrs. Windfall told me she won a shopping spree for two at the mall, and wants you to go with her. Then at 5:00 the Vicar is hosting a scavenger hunt at the Grapevine Fields. After thats all finished at 7:00 Hayden Tottington will escort you to that rave at Worthington Outskirts, so I hope this will make up for not going to Cheeseland with Gromit and me._

_ With all my love,_

_ Uncle Wallace_

_P.S: We'll be home in a at 1:00 a.m. in the morning._

"Wow, Thanks Uncle Wallace," she said in awe. She glanced at the clock and saw it was nine thirty. She needed to get ready.

At nine forty-five on the dot, and Layla was in her new purple belly jacket with a white tank underneath her loungers were replaced with blue jeans and a purple miniskirt. As the note dictated Celeste, Alice, and Caden were at the door.

"Hi," Layla greeted them in a jocund manor.

"Are you ready to go?" Celeste asked as syked as Layla.

"You bet'cha," was her vivacious response.

Once at Tottington Hall the rain had stopped, and the carnival was back on.

"How many bracelets?" Miss Thripp asked Celeste. Miss Thripp apparently was the bracelet woman.

"Four please," Celeste replied containing her excitement.

Inside the area it seemed as though Lady Tottington was expecting a large margin of people because every ride, game, activity you could name and more was there.

"Hello Celeste glad you could come," Lady Tottington greeted in her bubbly manor, "and your children are here too. Hang on a moment." From her large flowery purse she unearthed two inflatable mallets, "here you are dears. Hold the phone. Layla?"

"Hi mum," Layla answered giving her future mother-in-law a hug. Lady Tottington insisted Layla called her mum.

After releasing her from an embrace a pair of hands covered her eyes. She felt this person's breath on the nape of her neck. She turned to a dashing-looking Hayden.

"Hello Love," Hayden suductively said in his heavy english accent. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Layla blushed madly.

The carnival was very fun she spent her time with Celeste, Alice, Caden, Hayden, and Lady Tottington.

She and Hayden lost the others at some point by the dance floor. Layla had a tingly feeling in her feet; ahe only felt it when she was about to dance _The Cotton-eye Joe_ and as her feet told her it was true it came on.

"Let's dance," Hayden dragged Layla to the dance floor.

It was one of the many remix's of the dance, this one was for two. They linked arms and crossed their legs scooted to the left and Hayden twirled Layla lo the right.

At three as the note dictated Mrs. Windfall picked up Layla at the carnival. At the mall Layla picked up a lovely silk nightie. Hoping she'd get to break it in tonight. She also picked up a black dress with matching boots, and collar.

"So tell me dear, how did you ever catch such a prize like Hayden Tottington?" Mrs. Windfall finally asked when they were trying on scarfs, shawls, boas, and things of that nature.

"Well you remember the last vegetable competition?" she blunttly replied. Mrs. Windfall stared out into space remembering her ravaged veg. Still she nodded a blank motionless nod, "Well we were in the cheese tent and I thought it was the romantic atmosphere..."

Mrs. Windfall gave her a quizical look, how could a cheese tent of all things be romantic? she thought.

"The rabbits were nuzzling each other... the aroma of _formage_ hungover us," Layla continued adding deep complexion to every detail, "We gazed into each other's eyes, and we shared our first kiss," she was now looking at Mrs. Windfall who was hanging on to every minisule word like she were a child being read a fairy tale by her father, "He got down on one knee and I swear I teared up... he told me he wanted to marry me, love me and cherish every moment with me... forever and ever."

"That was beautiful," Mrs. Windfall cried into the shawl she adorned on herself. She also blew her nose on it, put it back, and said, "This'll be our little secret," she gigled.

At five forty-five she returned home to put away her new clothes. Headed downstairs and noticed in the mirror by the front door that the basement door was... unlocked? She swiftly walked towards the basement door, and heard power tools whiring. Being as quiet as she could, Layla tip-toed down to the eigth from the top stair. She stood dumbstuck; her eyes glazed with fear. Feathers McGraw had broken into the house while she was gone. She continued down the stairs to reach her cellphone which she left on the drawing board. Not realizing her foot was about to hit an empty paint can she kept going.

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

Feathers turned around and held up a gun towards Layla.

"Hello Feathers. We meet again," Layla said nervously accesing the stituation. She saw a copper cord which was used when her Uncle Wallace was in the window washing business. What was once used for Gromit as an access hatch to the garage became Layla's escape route. She quickly pulled the cord as McGraw shot at her, "AHHHHHHH!" the little door open and she crawled through. It shut behind her. Once on the other side she ran into the kitchen. Where she saw the Vicar cowering under the table.

"Layla, my child what in heaven's name is going on here?" the Vicar asked slowly removing himself from under the table.

"No time to explain," she said grabbing his hand. They turned to the open doorway to escape; however McGraw slid into the doorway brandising his a large cannon of some sort. Layla shifted her eyes to the back door which was open, "So thats how you got in you sly penguin," Layla, pullung the Vicar along, tuned to the back door as McGraw fired his now apparently to Layla was a plasma cannon.

Outside Layla and the Vicar had to inadvertibly avoid plasma shots, "WAAAAAAAAAH!" the Vicar screamed; his puffy white afro ablaze.

Layla jumped onto the picnic table, and chucked the not so heavy Vicar into the next yard. Mr. Caliche's yard, "God dammit! This burns! My hair! HEAVENS ABOVE!" was many of the random things she heard the Vicar. Say the last one though was said in response to him narrowly avoiding a plasma beam that burned a hole through the fence.

"Vicar!?" Layla cried in astonishment as she landed next to him.

Another shot through the privacy fence was fired, "Never mind lets get the hell out of here!" the Vicar responded.

Layla was now being pulled by the Vicar.

Still being pursuited by McGraw, Layla and the Vicar finally didn't have to hop any more fences.

PC Mac was patroling the streets while every one else (more or less waiting for the flamming Vicar) was at the scavenger hunt.

"PC Mac." "Constable." they called.

PC Mac turned about looking to see the trouble; trouble however, disintagrated his hat.

He tuned the corner and waited for McGraw to pass. Layla and the Vicar passed and PC Mac stuck his leg out, thus tripping the crazy penguin.

"Good job you two," he said a moment later after chaining the deranged bird, "We've been thinkin' he'd be afta' ya, and your uncle and Gromit," Mcgraw thrashed about wildly. PC Mac turned to him, "You my friend are being put to sleep." PC Mac hauled him into his car and left.

"Bless you Layla," the Vicar said calmly; his new bald dome reflcting the full moon's light.

The town's clocktower rang as the little hand reached eight.

"Oh-no, sorry I can't chat Vicar I have a date with Hayden," she said speeding home.

At eight tewnty-five she was ready and Hayden was at the door, "Hi." she said calmly answering.

"Hi- ah-yi-yi," Hayden stuttered seeing the the hole the plasma shot made in the kitchen.

"I'll tell you later, but right now there is a rave going on and we're not there," Layla said collectively.

The rave was in full swing when they arrived.

"Let's dance!" Layla yelled so he could hear him

Flo-Rida's new hit song 'Low' was playing.

The two started by grinding then just making up the rest which was pretty funny.

At about twelve thirty and it was all Layla wanted to do all day and he finally asked it, "Would you want to go back to my place?" Hayden said seducing trying to seduce Layla.

"We tried that before it echos to much... I wasn't even undressed and your mother thought we were going to have grandkids for her," Layla replied, Hayden nodded in agreement, "Let's go to my house..."

Twenty-five minutes later the two were in Layla's bedroom kissin' and cuddlin' not to mention listening to Justin Timberlake when they started to get into position.

Outside a cab pulled up and a middle-aged balding man followed by a tan dog emerged from the cab it was Layla's uncle Wallace and cousin Gromit, "Great time eh Gromit old pal?" Wallace told his dog.

Gromit looked at him and scowled.

"How was I sopposed to know you were in the bushes with that Caliver?" Wallace said in his defence.

Gromit rolled his eyes.

"You think Layla had fun?" Wallace asked unlocking the front door.

Gromit who' hearing was more acute than Wallace's heard the Justin Timberlake upstairs. He looked up at Layla's window and saw a faint silhouette of a man in Layla's window.

"Come on lad lets suprise Layla," Wallace whispered from the top of the steps. Gromit closed the door and ran to stop Wallace.

"Shh," Wallace whispered. His hand already on the doorknob.

Gromit covered his eyes.

"Hey Layla?" Wallace said as he interupted them.

"Ahhh!" Layla and Hayden both screamed falling out of bed.

"Wha-" Wallace stammered at a loss for words.

"Look Wallace I can explain," Hayden said getting up and walking over to him not covering up.

"I can see why Layla fancies you so much," Wallace said dryly not taking his eyes of of Hayden's 'Bait' as Wallace called it.

Half an hour later the four were sitting at the kitchen table. Hayden in his boxers and Layla in her new silk nightie.

"Listen Uncle Wallace I can understand if your mad, but I want you to know it was my idea not Hayden's," Layla explained ashamedly.

"Mad? Wha- that up there is nothing to get mad at," Wallace replied flabbergasted, "Thats a natural thing sex is... I should've known after all I'm where you get your against from."

"Really?" Layla asked.

"Oh yeah your mother and father were always sheepish when it came to sex," Wallace replied in an as-a-matter-of-fact voice, "You know you were born because I had to get you parents so wasted they wouldn't be self-concious, your mother told me to. Okay so I was in bankrupcy after buying all that liquor, but it was for a good cause."

Tears were welling up in Layla's eyes now, "Thanks Uncle Wallace," she started to hug him tightly.

"Now how about you two get back upstairs and finished what you started," Wallace encouraged them.

"Actually-" Hayden started. He grabbed Layla and laid her on the table as he removed his boxers.

"Okay that works as well," Wallace stated taken aback. He and Gromit left the kitchen and headed for their rooms.

"Hmm... well this was a good day, hmm... I went to a carnival with my, hmm... friends, Had a shopping spree with, hmm... Mrs. Windfall, stoped Featers McGraw from fleeing with a plasma cannon, hmm... watched the Vicar's wierd wh-hite afro burn down, hmm... and spent the night with hmm... you," Layla sedutively said.

Hayden leaned in to kiss her.

"To think this started as a rainy day..." Layla smugly said.


	2. Less than sublime limelight

**Two months after chapter 1**

Layla was invited to a sleepover at her friend Cassidy Yellowgrass's house and was packing her overnight bag.

"Let's see toothbrush, pillow, blanket, deodorant, change of," She felt like she was about to throw up. She quickly ran to the bathroom and barfed in the toilet.

"Layla?" Wallace asked on the other side of the door, "Layla dear are you okay?"

"I'm fine uncle Wallace, honest," Layla answered feeling much better, "Lunch must've not agreed with my stomach."

"Layla if you don't feel up to it you don't have to go," Wallace told her.

"I'm fine," Layla said.

Layla arrived at Cassidy's house at 8:00 p.m.

"Hi Layla," Cassidy said in her usual hyper tone.

"Oh, Hi Cassidy," Layla said hugging her tightly, "Wow your house is so nice."

"I've been here three months and my parents thought I would crawl back to them," Cassidy joked playfully, "Everyone's upstairs we just started the karoake."

Layla went upstairs to join the party. The people that were in the room were Caden and Alice, Sylvia Loose, Graham Patrick, Frederick O'Hara, and Vivian Martinelli.

"So what are you doing?" Layla asked sitting down next to Caden and Alice.

"Vivian's taking forever choosing a song..." Alice stated annoyed.

"Found it." Vivian said at last.

"Finally!" everyone sceamed happily.

"This was never the way I planned  
Not my intention  
I got so brave, drink in hand  
Lost my discretion  
It's not what, I'm used to  
Just wanna try you on  
I'm curious for you  
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it  
The taste of her cherry chapstick  
I kissed a girl just to try it  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
It felt so wrong  
It felt so right  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
I kissed a girl and I liked it  
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name  
It doesn't matter  
Your my experimental game  
Just human nature  
It's not what, good girls do  
Not how they should behave  
My head gets so confused  
Hard to obey

I kissed a girl and I liked it  
The taste of her cherry chapstick  
I kissed a girl just to try it  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
It felt so wrong  
It felt so right  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
I kissed a girl and I liked it  
I liked it

Us girls we are so magical  
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable  
Hard to resist so touchable  
Too good to deny it  
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a girl and I liked it  
The taste of her cherry chapstick  
I kissed a girl just to try it  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
It felt so wrong  
It felt so right  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
I kissed a girl and I liked it  
I liked it."

The virtual audience screamed in delight.

"Vivian, lesbo lick," Sylvia said coming up to her and sucking her face.

"Okay my turn," Sylvia said icthing to sing a song.

"Light Skin, Dark Skin, My Asian Persuasion,  
I Got them all that's why these girls out here hatin  
Cause I'm sexy

Do you like my style  
Yeah that sexy sexy sexy  
Like I rock it down  
Yeah that sexy sexy sexy  
You can work me out  
Yeah that sexy sexy sexy  
Let me show you how  
Yeah that sexy sexy sexy

So here's my demonstration  
A peep show  
Tonight my body's an exhibition baby  
Though it's on display don't be scared to  
Touch It, It said so  
So come and get it babe

Strum me like a guitar blow out my amplifier  
When you hear some feedback keep going take it higher  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
I'm gonna feedback feedback oh  
Feedback feedback oh  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
I'm gonna feedback feedback oh  
Feedback feedback oh

Light Skin, Dark Skin, My Asian Persuasion,  
I Got them all that's why these girls out here hatin  
Cause I'm sexy

Do you like my style  
Yeah that sexy sexy sexy  
Like I rock it down  
Yeah that sexy sexy sexy  
You can work me out  
Yeah that sexy sexy sexy  
Let me show you how  
Yeah that sexy sexy sexy

Before we go any more further  
Let me put you up on this secret babe  
I got novelties so appeasing  
Feed my fetish please  
Satisfy me babe

Strum me like a guitar blow out my amplifier  
When you hear some feedback keep going take it higher  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
I'm gonna feedback feedback oh  
Feedback feedback oh  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
I'm gonna feedback feedback oh  
Feedback feedback oh

You like it how I work my spine  
Got you feeling all hypnotized (hypnotized)  
I gotta body like a CL5  
Make a nigger wanna test drive but I'm so on fire  
Flyer than a pelican find another chick better than I don't see her  
Cause my swag is serious  
Something heavy like a first day period

Strum me like a guitar blow out my amplifier  
When you hear some feedback keep going take it higher  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
I'm gonna feedback feedback oh  
Feedback feedback oh

Strum me like a guitar blow out my amplifier  
When you hear some feedback keep going take it higher  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
I'm gonna feedback feedback oh  
Feedback feedback oh  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
Crank it up give it to me come on  
I'm gonna feedback feedback oh  
Feedback feedback oh."

"So who's next?" Cassidy asked.

"I am," Alice said getting up.

"How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become

now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real  
bring me to life

(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life  
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything  
without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here  
there must be something more  
bring me to life

(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become

(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside  
(Bring me to life)."

"Next?" Cassidy asked, "No one? Me then."

"They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'  
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know  
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine  
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go

I'd rather be at home with Blake  
I ain't got seventy days  
Cause there's nothing  
There's nothing you can teach me  
That I can't learn from Mr. Hathaway  
I didn't get a lot in class  
But I know it don't come in a shot glass

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'  
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know  
(Now rockin wit the best Amy baby)

The man said 'why do you think you here'  
I said 'I got no idea  
I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby  
so I always keep a bottle near'  
He said 'I just think your depressed,  
(The best Amy Amy)  
this me, yeah baby, and the rest'

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no' (Yes)  
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know

Young, uh  
Mo money, mo checks, im addicted to fresh  
6 pair of kicks is my definition of 12 steps  
Kick back in the back, get the phantom to drop  
Bass blarin outta my system, thats how i detox  
O when will he stop, he still pumpin that real sht  
My flow so dumb, my face is numb, ngga,i dont feel sht  
Where's a therapist? Yea I'm outta control  
They tryna make me go to rehab, I won't go, no  
And so I'm addicted, I'm Britney, Whitney, and Bobby  
Betty Ford ain't ready for us, ain't nothin can stop me  
Oh look he's collapsin, just look how he's rappin  
Everytime I try to get out it pulls me back in  
Amy should have rehabed him,'stead she doubled his ration  
Can you blame me for being a slave to my passion  
My heroine flows more deeper than Marilyn's nose I'ma O.D.  
'til I'm in peace like Anna Nicole,  
Hov!

I don't ever wanna drink again  
I just ooh I just need a friend  
I'm not gonna spend ten weeks  
have everyone think I'm on the mend  
It's not just my pride  
It's just 'til these tears have dried

They tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go."

"Rehab never worked did it Cassidy," Layla joked, but stopped short seeing her inhale cocaine.

"I'm up," Alice said nervously passing the cutting herself Cassidy.

"I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car  
He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel  
The other on my heart  
I look around, turn the radio down  
He says baby is something wrong?  
I say nothing I was just thinking how we don't have a song  
And he says...

Our song is the slamming screen door,  
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window  
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow  
Cause it's late and your mama don't know  
Our song is the way you laugh  
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"  
And when I got home ... before I said amen  
Asking God if he could play it again

I was walking up the front porch steps after everything that day  
Had gone all wrong and been trampled on  
And lost and thrown away  
Got to the hallway, well on my way to my lovin' bed  
I almost didn't notice all the roses  
And the note that said...

I've heard every album, listened to the radio  
Waited for something to come along  
That was as good as our song...

Cause our song is the slamming screen door  
Sneaking out late, tapping on his window  
When we're on the phone and he talks real slow  
Cause it's late and his mama don't know  
Our song is the way he laughs  
The first date "man, I didn't kiss him, and I should have"  
And when I got home, before I said amen  
Asking God if he could play it again

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone  
In the front seat of his car  
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin  
And I... wrote down our song."

"Graham your up," Sylvia said between Vivian's kisses.

"Blame it all on my roots  
I showed up in boots  
And ruined your black tie affair  
The last one to know  
The last one to show  
I was the last one  
You thought you'd see there  
And I saw the surprise  
And the fear in his eyes  
When I took his glass of champagne  
And I toasted you  
Said, honey, we may be through  
But you'll never hear me complain

'Cause I've got friends in low places  
Where the whiskey drowns  
And the beer chases my blues away  
And I'll be okay  
I'm not big on social graces  
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis  
Oh, I've got friends in low places

Well, I guess I was wrong  
I just don't belong  
But then, I've been there before  
Everything's all right  
I'll just say goodnight  
And I'll show myself to the door  
Hey, I didn't mean  
To cause a big scene  
Just give me an hour and then  
Well, I'll be as high  
As that ivory tower  
That you're livin' in

'Cause I've got friends in low places  
Where the whiskey drowns  
And the beer chases my blues away  
And I'll be okay  
I'm not big on social graces  
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis  
Oh, I've got friends in low places

I guess I was wrong  
I just don't belong  
But then, I've been there before  
And everything is alright  
I'll just say goodnight  
And I'll show myself to the door  
I didn't mean to cause a big scene  
Just wait 'til I finish this glass  
Then sweet little lady  
I'll head back to the bar  
And you can kiss my ass."

"Woah is it hot in hear or is it Graham?" Alice asked.

Caden got up and grabbed the mike.

"A long long time ago  
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile  
And I knew if I had my chance  
That I could make those people dance  
And maybe they'd be happy for a while.  
But February made me shiver  
With every paper I'd deliver  
Bad news on the doorstep  
I couldn't take one more step  
I can't remember if I cried  
When I read about his widowed bride  
But something touched me deep inside  
The day the music died

So bye-bye, Miss American Pie  
Drove my chevy to the levee  
But the levee was dry  
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die

Did you write the Book of Love  
And do you have faith in God above  
If the Bible tells you so  
Do you believe in rock 'n roll  
Can music save your mortal soul  
And can you teach me how to dance real slow  
Well, I know that you're in love with him  
'Cause I saw you dancin' in the gym  
You both kicked off your shoes  
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues  
I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck  
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck  
But I knew I was out of luck  
The day the music died

I started singin'

Now for ten years we've been on our own  
And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone  
But that's not how it used to be  
When the jester sang for the King and Queen  
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean  
And a voice that came from you and me  
Oh, and while the King was looking down  
The jester stole his thorny crown  
The courtroom was adjourned  
No verdict was returned  
And while Lenin read a book of Marx  
The quartet practiced in the park  
And we sang dirges in the dark  
The day the music died

We were singing

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter  
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter  
Eight miles high and falling fast  
It landed foul out on the grass  
The players tried for a forward pass  
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast  
Now the half-time air was sweet perfume  
While the Sergeants played a marching tune  
We all got up to dance  
Oh, but we never got the chance  
'Cause the players tried to take the field  
The marching band refused to yield  
Do you recall what was revealed  
The day the music died

We started singing

Oh, and there we were all in one place  
A generation Lost in Space  
With no time left to start again  
So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick  
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick  
'Cause fire is the Devil's only friend  
Oh, and as I watched him on the stage  
My hands were clenched in fists of rage  
No angel born in hell  
Could break that Satan's spell  
And as the flames climbed high into the night  
To light the sacrificial rite  
I saw Satan laughing with delight  
The day the music died

He was singing

I met a girl who sang the blues  
And I asked her for some happy news  
But she just smiled and turned away  
I went down to the sacred store  
Where I'd heard the music years before  
But the man there said the music woudn't play  
And in the streets the children screamed  
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed  
But not a word was spoken  
The church bells all were broken  
And the three men I admire most  
The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost  
They caught the last train for the coast  
The day the music died

And they were singing

They were singing bye-bye, Miss American Pie  
Drove my chevy to the levee  
But the levee was dry  
Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die."

"I'm next then?" Frederick stated.

"I hold on so nervously  
To me and my drink  
I wish it was cooling me  
But so far, has not been good  
It's been shitty  
And I feel awkward, as I should  
This club has got to be  
The most pretentious thing  
Since I thought you and me  
Well I am imagining  
A dark lit place  
Or your place or my place

Well I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you  
I want to make you move  
Because you're standing still  
If your body matches  
What your eyes can do  
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you

I hold out for one more drink  
Before I think  
I'm looking too desperately  
But so far has not been fun  
I should just stay home  
If one thing really means one  
This club will hopefully  
Be closed in three weeks  
That would be cool with me  
Well I'm still imagining  
A dark lit place  
Or your place or my place

Well, I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you  
I want to make you move  
Because you're standing still  
If your body matches  
What your eyes can do  
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you

We'll, I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you  
I want to make you move  
Because you're standing still  
If your body matches  
What your eyes can do  
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you

I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you  
I want to make you move  
Because you're standing still  
If your body matches  
What your eyes can do  
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you

You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you

You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you."

"Alright Layl-uh," Vivian yelped between fingerings.

"No-no I couldn't,"

"Come on," the cutting Cassidy pleaded.

"Ok," Layla gave in at last.

"Lil Mama and Avril Lavinge REMIX  
Lil Mama and Avril Lavinge REMIX  
Lil Mama and Avril Lavinge REMIX  
Lil Mama and Avril Lavinge REMIX  
Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend  
No way no way I think you need a new one  
Hey hey you you I could be your girlfriend

I could be your girl Lil Mama be your girlfriend

Hey hey you you I know that you like me  
No way no way you know it's no a secret  
Hey hey you you I want to be your girlfriend

I could be your girl Lil Mama be your girlfriend

Don't get it twisted Lil Mama got my paper on  
That means im a paper chaser I chase my paper on  
And I know we chasin paper that you be chasin on  
I just deliver the lyrics that people focus on  
Hands and a boob and a chopped up song  
Put it in a store and they go cops on  
Everybody know that its no combo  
Ya Betta lay low like popo  
Case ya aint know betta already know  
I gos in like project so  
So get it biggie mama b-r-double o-k-lyn drama

Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend  
No way no way I think you need a new one  
Hey hey you you I could be your girlfriend

I could be your girl Lil Mama be your girlfriend

Hey hey you you I know that you like me  
No way no way you know it's no a secret  
Hey hey you you I want to be your girlfriend

I could be your girl Lil Mama be your girlfriend

Please aint party stop  
All I knows sixteen to pop  
Told ya yall betta act on top  
Been doin this since hop mo pop  
Ahh tell tha brotha can't stop  
Fo all the mans im cracked on rocks  
Fo all the mans they love mah mas  
Style so I gotta go hard  
der than I did before  
her style is crossover  
pee wee curlin Lil Mama  
miss stuff is goin in  
so when you see me in the drop top shades  
in tha summa time blazin you wanna be my boyfriend.

Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend  
No way no way I think you need a new one  
Hey hey you you I could be your girlfriend

I could be your girl Lil Mama be your girlfriend

Hey hey you you I know that you like me  
No way no way you know it's no a secret  
Hey hey you you I want to be your girlfriend

I could be your girl Lil Mama be your girlfriend

Oh in a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
Cause I can cause I can do it better  
There's no other  
So whens it gonna sink in?  
Shes so stupid what the hell were you thinking

Oh in a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
Cause I can cause I can do it better  
There's no other  
So whens it gonna sink in?  
Shes so stupid what the hell were you thinking

You wave goodbye  
Your girls a bird  
You by my side  
Make it work  
You and her that sounds absurd  
Me and you go betta ya heard?  
Ya aint hear any dumb girls laugh in the back  
that's cause I speak crack on tha track  
I'ma keep it real boy  
I'm trying to mack  
Let me know if you down with that  
Me and yo girlfriend we aint no tie  
You betta s-c-i  
I'm telling you like Jennifer Hudson  
I got plastic elastic in the back  
Of the jaguar sure cause that's whats poppin  
Tiger purses bank is filled  
Im mad cause this is nothing

Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend  
No way no way I think you need a new one  
Hey hey you you I could be your girlfriend

I will be your girl Lil Mama be your girlfriend

Hey hey you you I know that you like me  
No way no way you know it's no a secret  
Hey hey you you I want to be your girlfriend

I will be your girl Lil Mama be your girlfriend

Lil Mama and Avril Lavinge

No way no way hey-"

"Oh god," she bolted out of the bedroom to the bathroom and in she had her head buried in the toilet.

"You okay?" Vivian asked.

"Are you pregnant you look pregnant," Cassidy wondered.

"How would you know your probably so baked you see me with a pregnant belly." Layla said agitated.

"You know what she might be right," Alice said, "Where are your pregnancy tests?" she asked Cassidy.

"They all came back positive?" Alice asked she thought a moment, "Let me take one." She finished and hesitated, "What the fuck is this?"

"You picked up mine," Layla said, "Fuck me I'm full!"

"You gotta keep it a secret," Alice warned her.

"How the fuck can I do that when miss Hi and blabbity knows?" Layla said meaning Cassidy, "It's not a secret if your in a public place and it comes out!"


	3. Dreaming of the outcome

**The next night after chapter 2**

**Songfics in here**

Layla is in her bedroom hugging her stuffed rabbit Mr. Patches endearingly stroking its patchworked ears. Her uncle Wallace is sitting beside her for moral comfort. and Gromit was holding a half empty tray of cheese and crackers.

"You can't sit and sulk in your room because you pregnant," Wallace told her in as-a-matter-of-fact voice.

"It's not that it's just were has the time gone?" Layla said, "and what will Hayden think?"

"Don't you mind what he thinks," Wallace reassured her as he took a slice of cheese and delicatly put it on a cracker he picked up.

"If you keep eating crackers you'll become one yourself," Layla joked trying to cheer herself up, _Wait a moment he is a cracker. He's as white as an egg. _She lauged to herself. She couldn't keep the smile she wondered what her neighbors would think.

"Well goodnight, Layla," Wallace said tucking her in lovingly, "Hey. don't pay any mind to what anyone else thinks. Night." He closed the door behind him.

"Well I guess I have to tell Hayden eventually," Layla yawned. _I'm getting old._ she thought to herself as a tear flowed down her cheek. Moments later sleep took her.

"It was nine o'clock on a saturday

The regular crowd shuffled in

There was a drugie sittin' next to me

Makin love to her razor and heroine

She says, lass, can you play me a sweet tune?

I was not really sure how it goes

But its sad and its true and I knew it complete

When a drug addict is your friend, it's what life throws at you it's like a low blow

La la la, de de da  
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're the last one who hasn't  
Sing us a song tonight  
Well, were all in the mood for a change of tune  
And you've got us feelin alright

Now Caden and Alice at the party are good friends of mine  
They gets me my invites for free  
And she's quick with a joke or he lights up your day  
But theres someplace that they'd rather be  
Alice says, Layla, I believe this is killing me.  
As the smile ran away from her face  
Well I'm sure that I could be a singin' superstar  
If I could get out of this place

Oh, la la la, de de da  
La la, de de da da da

Now Caden is a pro skateboarder  
Who barely has time for his family  
And hes talkin with Graham whos still shearing lambs  
And he probably will be for life

And Frederick is to busy with his mother  
As Cassidy still slowly gets high  
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness  
But its better than drinkin alone

Chorus, Vivian and Sylvia are dancing eroticly.

It's a pretty good crowd for a saturday  
And Alice gives me a smile  
Causes she knows that its me they've been comin to see  
To forget about life for a while

And the backround music, it sounds like a barfight  
And the microphone smells like a heroine

And Viv and Sylvia are kissin' mighty meanly  
And they sit in their seats and watched me upchuck my last meal

And then Alice says, Layla, pregnant might you be?

Oh, la la la, de de da  
La la, de de da da da."

Layla ron her side and thought how it might damage there relationship and her heart.

"Do-do you got a first aid kit handy  
Do-do you know how to mend a broken heart  
Tell me, are you patient, understanding?  
Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart and I

I've tried every remedy, even movin' on, and nothing seems to work for me

Baby, this this pregnancy driving me crazy  
And I really wanna be your lady  
But I need to know if you love me so cause if you don't then I'll be

Damaged, Damaged  
I thought that I should let you know  
That my heart will be Damaged  
So Damaged  
And I won't blame you before I blame me

So how we gonna fix it, fix it, fix it  
How we gonna fix it, fix it, fix it  
Baby I gotta know (do you love me)  
What are you gonna do

Do-do you got a first aid kit handy  
Do-do you know how to keep my heart from bleeding for you  
Are you-Are you patient, understanding?  
Cause I might need some time to clear the hold on my heart and I

You won't try to kill my love for you  
Talking is not enough  
Actions speak louder than words  
You gotta show me your with me  
My heart will be bleeding for you  
If you leave me

Chorus 1, Hayden is yelling at Layla and hitting her, she doesn't fight back.

Chorus 2, Hayden is embracing Layla and they kiss.

Don't break my h-e-a-r-t  
Cause it will b-l-e-e-d  
Can you stay with m-e

Tell me are you in this with me  
Cause my heart will is damaged

Chorus 1, Hayden is yelling at Layla and hitting her, she doesn't fight back.

Chorus 2, Hayden is embracing Layla and they kiss.

So how we gonna fix it, fix it, fix it  
How we gonna fix it, fix it, fix it  
How we gonna fix it, fix it, fix it  
How we gonna fix it, fix it, fix it

My heart won't be damaged, damaged, damaged  
My heart won't be damaged, damaged, damaged  
My heart won't be damaged, damaged, damaged  
My heart won't be damaged, damaged, damaged  
My heart won't be damaged."


	4. It's the Hormones

Layla yawned as she approched the breakfast table were Gromit was pulling the lever that dropped her uncle down to the table, "Morning Gromit!" She waved while recieving one in return. Her uncle was finishing getting dressed with his automatic dressor, "Morning Uncle Wallace!"

"Morning... Mumsy!" Wallace teased Layla, who simply replied with a playful tounge stick, "A pest free night again thats six nights in a-" Then they heard it. A car crash outside their house on West Wallaby Street. The trio ran outside to examine the damage. Nothing big just a Van Damme crashed into a brick wall. A woman emerged from the wreakage coughing up exhaust fumes. The brunette lady wobbled and fell to the ground.

"Oh my Goodness!" She ran over to assist the woman up and had Wallace and Gromit help the woman inside. Mrs. Mulch was yelling about her wall. Celeste was shuting her curtains not wanting to be involved. Pip Windfall nearly getting hit by the car was dusting himself off as Mr. Mulch and his young grandaughter Harriet helped him home. Layla walked back inside where her uncle had lain the unconcious woman on the couch. Gromit was running in with a damp washcloth so Wallace could wipe the dry blood and dirt from the beauty's face, upon further inspection of this woman Layla commented, "No way..."

"What is it lass?" Wallace asked alarmed.

She couldn't contain her excitement, "That's Melissa Rivers!" Her uncle looked confused, "Joan Rivers daughter?" Wallace nodded and then gasped himself for her realized she had the large smile like her mother, "Miss Rivers?" Layla asked kneeling next to the battered woman. She awoke slowly trying to comprehend the situation at hand.

"What- What happened?" Melissa Rivers asked vaguely looking around.

"We could ask you the same thing?" Mrs. Mulch yelled from the doorway. Layla shooed her out and locked the door and to make it Mulch proof she barracaded the door to make sure a certain someone wouldn't carve a certain door in with a certain chainsaw.

Melissa Rivers was looking transfixed on Gromit, "Is something wrong? Why am I covered in blood and dirt?" Layla ran the story by her how she crashed her car into Mrs. Mulch's wall. Melissa complained about her head throbbing and apon moving her bangs did Layla notice she had a lump the size of a peach!

Wallace was in the kitchen calling the tow company and getting laughed at because honestly who'd believe a story about the daughter of a famous comedian crashed her car into his neighbor's wall.

"So Layla," Melissa said that evening laying on the couch with a icepack on her forehead, "are you in a relationship?" Layla nodded yes. "Is he cute?" Melissa just wanted to pry until she gave in to her demand of spilling the beans.

"Yeah! He's sex on a stick!" the two girls giggled until they were blue in the face.

Melissa and Layla were definately hitting it off. They were prattling on until Wallace told them not to be up too late, "Alright! Thank you Wallace!" Melissa replied to his words. As soon as the middle aged man and his canine companion shut off their lights Melissa just noticed Layla's most recent photo and she was a little more skinny than she was now, "Is it his?"

Layla nearly dropped the wii which she was assembling on top of the speaker, "How'd you know I was pregnant?" Melissa held the photo up and compared the 'now' with the 'then' it was somewhat obvious. Layla sighed, "Yes it's his, and to answer your next question he does not know!" Melissa gawked, "What you think I should tell him, now?" Melissa made it a game of seeing how angry she'd get by just making these petite noises which were obviously irking her, "What?" Melissa scoffed, "Oh thats so typical your just like my friend Cassandra she thinks I'm a whore if I don't tell him early! She said if I told him later on when I get fat and unattractive he'll think I'm a filthy slut cause I'll be the chick whose like by the way I'm Pregnant! Bitch!" Melissa went silent. Layla kept going, "I'm not filthy she's filthy she trade crack for sexual favors and visa versa! She such a cock-sucking shit-faced ugly asshole cunt full of twat!" Melissa was shocked never in her life did she ever hear as much smut uttered from someone's mouth. Layla was gasping. She turned around adn felt so embarassed, "I'm sorry you had to hear that I've just been so hormanal lately and...

"It's okay-" She said in a way making it sound more like a question than a statement.

Layla finished plugging in the wii, "So Dancing with the Stars or American Idol?" Melissa picked American Idol since she admitted to not haveing as much hand-eye coordantion since the crash.

Halfway though their duet Layla shouted, "Power Combo!"

_"For every ninety-nine times you look me in the eye!_

_You look me in the eye!_

_I swore you were lying!_

_But I was so blind I never saw the signs!_

_I'm getting out tonight, your not invited!"_

"WOO! Yeah!" The two girls screamed as they got a one-hundred on 99 Times.

"Now... what next?" Melissa asked. Layla clicked on a random so whatever came on it would be a challenge if they didn't know the lyrics.

_"Jaleeeeeeeeeeeo!_

_Jaleo, Jaleeeeeeeeeeeeeeo!_

_I have lived a thousand lives or more,_

_Stolen broken hearts behind closed doors_

_Seen the seven wonders of the world,_

_And everywhere I go your name burns in my soul!_

_Take me back and make it happen,_

_Get on the floor cause a chain reaction!_

_Jaleo, Jaleo, Jaleo, Jaleo, la!"_

The rest off the night went like that until they fell asleep at dawn, which consequently made them wake up a noon!

"Hey! Layla!" Melissa rubbed her head to get her awake, "We overslept it's noon!"


End file.
